time for reality...

i had read somewher...all lovers are liars...they lie to themselves..bt um... tthats not the end of it... in spite of knowing the reality, we do not care to acknowledge... for all the smiles and times with all the ppl who don care fo u, there r truthful souls out there, waiting fo u patiently... for all the imposters who r caught and clicked often with u, there r a bunch of sweet hearts who support u in all ur bad times and don care to make headlines... when reality and gravity of trust finally find u, when u can sit back and count the heads who r ur true pillars of strength, when u finally kno the ppl who r worth the extra mile, its all about "juz doin it"... juz following ur heart... it needs guts to confront ur enemies... and courage to weed out ur own demons... take a stand... make the change... and do justice to 'i am not symbol of anythin...but only myself'... coz u r home wen u r accepted the way u r... and  those who r trying so hard to change u, don really matter!! learning to luv ourselves, our true 'self' and all the rough unpolished edges that comes along and to value ppl who r not trying to polish either is the essence of life.. 

tick tock..

at 4am in the morning, i eagerly wait to catch a glimpse of my coll campus while i am still on the train... and as i did finally see my beautiful coll, an array of glittering lights , shades of white and grey...rock steady..and juz as perfect as ever.... when u r soaring high on nostalgia..and the stress and strain of mmc is dissolving into a distant past...and joy and happiness seems to be overflowing!!.. the thought of being back to where u belong, whr u bloomed..whr u were accepted...ur personal comfort zone... twas juz amazing... though as alwys, i had my share of sweet and sour, the untrue and true..the mocking of existence and a gr8 deal of reality... whr u r a stranger t ur dear ones and some unbelievably amazing moments of exalting trust... its such a wonderful feeling when u run into ur princi aftr a yr and find that hez still going gr8 on memory on as warm as before... and the final, and most proud day...grad day... flurry of red and black...hat and oath for lyf...gleaming folks...and an insane crowd of graduates!!... all in all, an amazing experience...not to forget...the loss of my ph...and some dreary days of no contact with book..but to conclude... i am a graduate..finally..and i see the world as it is...  dreams in my heart, fmly by my side, fire within...distinction btw right and wrong, true frndz who stood the tempest of time and a mysterious future beckoning with arms wide open...and time goes by... 

fire!!

when morning bleeds to noon, and u still have the whole day to spend in casualty...ur mind starts wandering...imagination taking complete control...whilst u r on a luxury ride  to the land of dreams, u r bound to be interrupted by the never ending inflow of patients... and whats worse...half of the cases r op compound consumption, RTAs, assaults... in spite of being engrossed in my tiny shell of life, i cant seem to suppress my rising concern for our society which has come to be soo flawed... corruption at an all time high... health at an all time low... ignorance and illiteracy, as rampant as ever... and we r one of the biggest democracies in the world??...am i proud of our history..the land of yogis and our heritage??...yes...but am i proud of what we have come to be???..NO.. der was a time when the youth marked boundless courage and indomitable determination...when unwavering attention was given to eliminating our social demons...but tdy, we educated bright young indians, sit back and watch..let the atrocities continue...its pitiful that more than half the patients we treat r bpl...when india is boasting about globalization, IT capitals and ever increasing number of shopping malls and sky scrapers, the true india is as far from basic amenities as it was before independence...there r scores of lil children out there, who liv in the most horrendous conditions and dreams and wishes r juz not in their tiny list of birth rights... why is it that we do not eradicate our social problems at the grass root level??..why r we happy to juz accept things instead of trying to make a change??..why do we fail to open our hearts to the real needy?? our negligence and passivity ll make us pay...eventually... all we need is a spark...fire...fire of patriotism, oneness and the readiness to lend a helping hand....fire is all we need!!

points to ponder...

in life we meet loads of ppl...some u r born to...some u grow up with...some u luv...some u hate...some u r close to...and some who hurt u...some u work with...some u juz tolerate.. but very few touch ur heart...very few stay lush green in ur memories forever...very few actually connect... some bring smiles...some remind u of unforgettable lessons...some u trust...some u care about..some make u laugh... some bring joy... for one, we r never short of ppl...all thnx to our exponentially increasing population...but the beauty lies in us finding ppl who suit our taste as if customized solely for us...and some we luv with all their rough edge...all in all, we r social beings...in solitude, we find our'selves'...and in company,joy and happiness... people are always betta than no ppl...  we crave fo a sense of belonging..we luv it wen some1 understands us...we r overwhelmed when we r accepted...and blessed when remembered...hurt otherwise..but god sure as hell knows hw to control and time the traffic of ppl in our lives.. 

to make each day count...

while rage conquers u in a jiffy, peace takes an eternity.... while sorrow creeps by at snails pace, happiness is momentary... while derz more days to lyf, best remembered r few... while it takes days to fill ur inbox to the brim, hardly 5 seconds to delete...oh yeah...a thousand wonderful texts deleted frm my ph...interesting convos...awesome fights..cute patching up..new yr and bdays..and all it takes is 5 secs to wipe it out..what is it about it that i am missing?..hmmm...may be like photos, it captures moments that r worth treasuring...that on reading again, brings a smile..reminds u why u worry and care about the wonderful ppl who actually sent the texts...but like evrythin in lyf...nothing gud lasts forever...  we luv to hold on to gud times...to juz hope that time stands still...in the process of brooding over spilt milk, we tend to forget to add 60 worthy seconds to each minute...while i could bury myself in oceans of self pity, i ld rather choose to let go and let the crimson red of a new day conquer me...  m juz glad i ve a fully functioning brain with decent inbuilt memory...lol..and for what its worth, i still believe in jack's toast...''to make each day count'...

stupid cupid!!:)

no matter how hard u try, u juz cant be gloomy around dis time of the yr... yeah..m tlkin abt "cupid day"...:)

well...st.valentine hardly knew that centuries aftr his death, he would be this popular!! and i am sure he never gave it soo much thought before leaving a note to his frnd on the day he died saying.."love from ur valentine"...

in an era blotched with cruel claudius  and his ruthless ban on marriages, st.valentine had the courage to encourage love!...  as a kid i thought, the ultimate love story would be ddlj... and later titanic...and then..kkhh and the whole love is friendship...walk to remember!! hehe...and the list continues...:p...but more importantly, love triumphs.. (i kno quite a few who ld luv t disagree on this..).. may be it is juz a perception of our mind... or a complex interplay of hormones and impulses.. but whateva it is.. nobody is spared!!.. it might not be a perfect cinderella story...or an epic romance.. it could be howard roark...or rhet buttler...or juz a lousy frnd whom u nvr cared to think otherwise....so...fo all those who r single...ur cupid tym ll definitely...and its worth the wait...and fo those who r alrdy in luv,...may the luv last forever..n fo those who think they failed, u ll kno that u didnt only the day when the right person walks into ur lyf.. and fo those spl frnds who r yet to believe, hope cupid strikes u all soon..so tat i get t say 'i tld u so'..:D... live...love..coz we live only once and ll leave dis world alone fo sure..the word is love..love love..haha..lol..

??

there was a time, not long ago..when in a state of dillema, i would  find solace on our hostel terrace...gushing wind...starry night canvas...time stood still..and my thoughts echoed... and as the night wore out, i ld ve answers..clarity...  my thoughts like pelted pebbles on still water are causing ripples in my mind... i luv to watch the rising fireball..when crimson conquers the boundless blues... as much as i like to plunge underwater when the world seems a dream...and perfect stillness and free mind a reality... coz its insanely divine..as if u r engulfed in everlasting peace... and in those moments of bliss,  evrything becomes crystal clear...u r no longer lost in the fog....but what can u possibly do when ur insides r screaming.. when ur heart aches for impossible quests...and reality beckons to ur logic... and tranquility is an unfound stranger... when natures best gifts fail to enrapture and you r at the edge of a precipice...do u retreat or find courage to dive??.. when ur dreams have been sculpted by gods own hands and somehow reality of life is holding u back, what do u do??..perish or brave the cold waters??... 

bro!!

i luv saturdays!!!! wait...b4 any conclusions r drawn... its not my day off.. its juz the day my awesome big bro comes home!!!.. i kno tat not evry1 can actually understand why i am super excited abt it... bt u ld probably kno if u had a bro lyk mine!!.. n trust me... fo once i am not exaggerating... well...frankly speaking... i owe him a lot... as a kid, wen i was busy trying to be a problem child...he somehw had the knack of tlkin me into being a gud gal..:p... he evn deserves credit fo teachin me to write alphabets..lol... and not to forget, tolerating a talkative kid lyk me tailing him evrywhr... but most of all, he might probably be the only person who truly believed in all my crazy ideas...who could bring out the best in me..and fo all the right reasons, i m shit scared t face him wen i m wrong..not coz he ll scold me o anythin...juz tat hez one person whom i don lyk to let down... tdy..as i watched him play with my chotu cousins, i realized... its nt abt me...its abt him being such a kind gud hearted person that he spreads joy wherever he is...handsome,shy,honest, humble and a total introvert...but wid a heart of gold and invaluable virtues, he stands out as my role model....my best frnd.. m soo glad.. he will probably tease the shit outa me for writing this...lyk any typical elder bro:P..but dis one is fo him!!:)

what nobody teaches u...

from when we were kids, we have been taught about everythin ranging from tiny things like 'wash ur hands before u eat'...to complicated stuff like...u gotta focus on ur career and u gotta be de dutiful good kids as we grow up.... but what nobody tells u, is tat inspite of all the advices, we learn by making mistakes...even wen we kno and ve heard a million times abt hw u shud not play with fire...i think we understand it better only aftr burning our fingers....ouch!!..while god did give us brains and the gift of logic and reasoning, he didnt stop frm making us mortal and prey to emotions and feelings... when ur mind is sending supersonic impulses to refrain, ur heart as is pounding and u feel soo gud...and adrenaline is at an all time high... and somehow it juz feels so normal to let go of ur defenses...what evry1 tells us is that we r dependent on fmly...frndz... what nobody tells u is tat one fine day, u ll leave it all behind... what u do hear often is that luv for money and worldly pleasures are identity of a shallow personality... but what u do learn by urself is that it takes more than a pretty face and luck to actually earn some.. what we do get lectured about is hw to do the right thing...but what u oughta learn by urself is hw to cope up aftr making a mistake... what evry1 tells is that heartbreak hurts worse than labour pains.. but what u do realize on ur own is that somewhr down the line, u heal...and start once again to 'feel'...

what evry1 tells u is tat its safer to build walls arnd u...and that very few ppl actually try to breakthrough and see the real u... but what nobody teaches u is how to react or cope wen some1 actually does take the trouble... what i did get preached abt is that u gotta create ur own destiny.... but what i did learn by myself is that sometimes.. sometimes when u kno not what to do... its juz betta to let things take its own course... juz giv time to ur mind to find peace and ur heart to revert back to sinus rhythm...once some1 had told me, u do think u r strong and u ll nt make the mistake of falling in luv...but one fine day some1 ll wlk into ur lyf  and before u kno it, u will be walking down the well worn path of luv my frnd..luv...haha.. its a crazy world... and its rather better to leave things the way they r instead of trying to figure out and make sense outa it!!

thinking loud..

when i am actually super excited about getting back to coll, somewhr at the back of my mind, my current work plc and the new lyf i ve gotten accustomed to keeps flickering.... i ll be a liar if i say tat i hate the plc... for reasons unknown, and far beyond my comprehension...i ve fit into the plc... i am no more a total stranger... i no more stare at my feet when i wlk here, coz i do find familiar faces and friendly smiles!!... its juz human i guess.... adjusting...making new frndz...fittin in... i  ve grown to luk beyond the flaws... to adore the old heritage building... the age old wooden stairs...illiterate but the real needy patients and plenty of pigeons in the campuss... i shud mention here that, one of my fav memories of mmc would be definitely those of me walking aftr a totally tiring night duty at 6:3o in the mornin and contrary to my state of mind, it used to be soo serene...tranquil...chirping birds...the usual mys cool breeze...and lovely old buildings...and a feeling of having saved lives...(atleast i felt so.. :p..)...and i do realize...i ve had some really 'wow' moments...and some 'awwww' moments... and some 'why is lyf so unfair' moments... bt all in all... it has been a treat... real gud one... nt completely smooth... bt i ve come to lyk the rocky terrain that comes with the territory... . today, when i was actually quite bored sitting all alone in the ophth dept...checkin out the collection of old ophth books, listenin to muzic n trying not t get spooked by the dim flickerin light in the corridor...n there appears a familiar face!! hmmm...no matter hw hard i tried not to acknowledge untill nw, the truth is...i m happy to have made the jump...for inspite of my luv fo my coll, this is an experience which was worth the trouble!!! all smiles...:)

what next??...

 when u r at crossroads, and completely confused...somehow the past keeps flashing... bits and pieces of memories from the gud old times... i dunno if its juz graduation day which is coming up soon or whether its the fact tat i am almost done.. bt m missing coll... somehw it felt safe.. and stress free... all that mattered then, was juz attending coll...studies... masti... friends.. but here we r... its almost coming to an end... time t worry abt future... future in its real sense... to choose the subject tat we will luv to work wid fo the rest of our lives... to secure a pg seat... and pretty much all the serious stuff tat lyf could offer us...hmmm... why r we supposed to decide evrythin n sort it out...time evrythin??? wouldn;t it be easier if we juz let our instincts handle it... juz take some time out... relax... and enjoy lil bit??... may be its time fo a break... to release all the stress... n to juz stop worrying for a bit... nothing good comes outa worryin... gud muzic... gud hols... paint.dance.. chill out... aftr all, we liv only once!!... its tym to juz be spontaneous... its nt often tat we r 22 in lyf... juz once... i think all of us r smart, amazing individuals... we will figure it out... once i m done relaxing.. or done feeling gud, i m sure i ll be able to focus on studies...at evry point in lyf, we keep thinkin what next??... bt for nw, i m juz happy tat i ll be goin bk t coll...aftr almost a yr!! graduation!! gud old frndz!! funnn...

me!!

hii...i am ash..left with one last month of internship..n soon i ll be done wid mbbs...
here i am, u could say kinda jobless..(all thnx t ophthal postings..)..n frankly speaking...my future is pretty much a huge question mark.. all i know, like the rest...i ve joined a coaching insti n the comin yr is gonna be all about slogging... but for nw, i am juz lazing arnd...