Saturday, 23 March 2013

Doctor!!!

Doctor.. an elite individual who is bestowed with the noblest profession, treads with the responsibility of saving lives and forever a subject of public criticism and praise. Elucidating the significance of a doctor is onerous. Hippocrates summed it up brilliantly by saying  "Life is short, the art long, opportunity fleeting, experiment treacherous,judgement difficult."  
Being a doctor, our version is slightly different... The basic essence remains the same... But the following incidents may offer a window of insight. There is more to a white coat than parading as god's gift to humanity!!
Flashback no.1
As a brand new intern in MMC , much to my dismay, i was prey to the common obnoxious notion that government college students uphold that a private college student is pretty much like the cheerleader in chick flicks.. On one hand, i was battling the urge to retreat at first chance and get back to my dear old college, and on the other trying to cope up with my already experienced co interns who were teaching me how to insert a catheter, ryles tube and iv cannula. The odds were definitely not in my favour and having a double OPD in my first week itself was cause for trepidation. Whilst i did learn the art of inserting catheters on my first OPD itself, and was looking forward to second OPD (which happened to be on my birthday..), little did i know what was in store. A 21 year old male patient admitted with history of Organophosphorous compound consumption. It does not take a genius to understand that soon after primary examination, the patient has to be catheterized before starting him on atropine... Having explained the condition of the patient to the two apprehensive male attenders, i proceeded to insert the catheter... And blimey... what the ???? the guy had a mammoth erection... while i was trying to insert the catheter... HOLY SHIT!!..H I would have gladly accepted a bottle of OP Compound rather than having to be part of this crazy incident. While circulation to my face seems to have escalated at rocket speed, and the patient's attenders were looking anywhere but me, and that incoherent moron who attempted suicide and scarred me for good was blissfully engulfed in a parallel universe, i took 20 seconds to finally look up, and said "i shall come back in 5 minutes" in a surprisingly calm voice... and dashed out before any further questions could be asked. Yahoo.. I was thinking i handled it real smooth and before i knew my happy bubble shattered when my cointern asked if i catheterized the patient... and thats not it... He went to check on him. *FACEPALM* eventful birthday *FACEPALM*
Flashback no.2
Drunk patient's attenders, atropinized patients, exhausted PGs and interns are definitely a DEADLY combination. On yet another duties, it was close to 1AM and being inadept at striking a conversation mostly because i was surrounded by half dead doctors who seemed to be wallowing in the land of fatigue, i heard someone crashing. I was up on my feet in a split second and rushed to see which unfortunate patient had a nasty fall. Surprise Surprise.. The recently admitted atropinized patient holding an IV fluid bottle in one hand, was having fist fight with a man( supposedly his brother) who was obviously drunk!!... while the duo rolled on ground throwing a bunch of profanities at each other, i stood aghast not just because of the warriors who had attracted a small crowd of nosy patients, other attenders, but at the look of indifference plastered on all the doctors. And before i could jump to some drastic conclusion about the issue, my senior PG motioned me to sit down and explained that there was nothing much we could do. The nurses seemed to successfully break the fight, secured the patient and the brother sobered down in time,and i had just survived a mini heart attack. yes, i am definitely not one for violence!
(PS: when a patient is atropinized, they act a little crazy, disoriented..)
Flashback no.3
When i was posted in casualty (casualty is where all the emergency cases, Medico Legal Cases such as RTAs, Poisoning cases, attempted suicide, burns, assualt cases are seen and directed to respective departments my a casualty medical officer (CMO).. ), it was around 11pm and it seemed to be a normal duty. The usual flow of cases, nothing extraordinary... no mass casualty.. And i definitely jinxed myself by thinking that way because within moments i was involved in one of the biggest scandals of the year. The case was simple. A 20 year old Primi gravid with 32 weeks of gestation with IUD  and severe anemia ( in simple terms, a young pregnant girl with intra uterine death of baby and hemoglobin level of 3 gm%). Her anemia was being corrected before expulsion of the baby and she was in labour ward where no visitors are allowed. Apparently the patient was thirsty and she asked her neighboring patient to pass her a bottle of water. And do not question me how, but that neighboring patient gladly reached over and passed her a bottle. Its only when the young girl consumed about 300ml of liquid did she realize that it tasted weird. She started vomiting blood and immediately told the ward PG that she consumed something and pointed to that glass bottle. It was concentrated FORMALIN. In less than 15 minutes, she had collapsed and in spite of all resuscitative efforts, she succumbed. Destiny sure had a twisted sense of humour. What are the odds that you ask for water when thirsty and a stranger hands over formalin??? It will never be understood as to how she drank 300 ml of that pungent unpalatable liquid without suspicion. At that precise moment when we heard that there was a mob and the presence of CMO was requested, and my dearest valiant CMO asked me to go to the department and fetch the case file, i gave him my best "are you shitting me???" look..What was he thinking, feeding me the sharks?? And when he stared back at me unwavered, i reluctantly exited knowing that i might never return. Quick thinking.. i removed my apron, walked towards the obstetrics block, and unbelievably all my senses were heightened and and everyone who barely glanced at me seemed to be shooting daggers. MY heart lept to my mouth when i saw two trucks loaded with angry men, fully armed with lathis,sickles, axes and what not.The two hundred men would never understand the reality, for their grief was beyond limits . I walked as steadily as i could and tried to keep a straight face when i was practically nearing a breakdown. Miraculously having survived and having secured the case file, i was about to return when i caught a glimpse of that most unfortunate girl..The look on pale as a ghost PG, the senior resident on duty and everyone in that room will haunt me forever. I am thankful to that l***y CMO for it was because of him, that i learnt to walk even when your sixth sense is begging you to retreat. It is because of him that i saw what it really means when the world goes Topsy turvy. 

Moral of the story!!
We are doctors, and moreover we are humans. Only thing, we learn to hide our emotions, keep a straight face and act as steadily as possible.
We witness the very very thin line demarcating life and death. We live with the burden of the lives we lost and
the minuscule proportion of the population we saved.
We live with some of the most embarrassing incidents and some heart wrecking ones.
The biggest challenge will be putting the health and well being of patients above any other priority including our own.




Sunday, 16 December 2012

Minimalist!!

is it just me or is it normal to often sit and wonder "what the hell is going on in my life???"
well... i would rather not expect anyone to answer that.. but yes... that happens to be my frequent preoccupation lately... here is the thing... there is tough, hitch hike terrain awaiting my exploits... and there is the well worn, my usual, right by the rules outlet... oh yeah... not to forget... some deadlines to adhere to...
but most of all, the much needed decluttering of my mind... before you strain your brains, i have been slowly but definitely being influenced to incline towards "minimalism"... all thanks to a dear friend.. well... its a different thing that minimalism mainly refers to a simple living with most essential needs being met... and the
idea of "less is more"... you ought to start with decluttering your surroundings and believe it or not, at the end of it you will be surprised to see the amount of useless stuff that you have accumulated over time... its a great ideology... however, i am of the opinion that we actually need to start decluttering form our minds... that is where everything begins... have you ever wondered what amount of information, some dangerously important and much more utterly useless has been piled up in our tiny little brains?? we hold on to lot of our experiences.. memories from the past that haunt us or bring smiles.. innumerable tiny worthless details and painful past that holds us back from a peaceful happy present... we are susceptible to fear... fear of under performance ..fear of society... of family... fear of living our dreams... or taking the risk... well, the only purpose it serves is reminding us that we are human... and fear is normal... it is indeed important to understand that we all make mistakes... some with horrible consequences... some that leave us scarred.. but once we are in the game of life, its essential to learn to suture.. to heal...to let go.. and to celebrate our wounds... than to let them consume our future... its hightime i take a stand... parade my priorities... refine my memory bank... and start being a true minimalist!!! cheers...


PS: me gusta mi minimalista!!

Friday, 14 December 2012

return!!!

Back again...after few months of no show... i return with more questions!!.. how do you even begin to introspect... where do you start... at times life gets so messed up that you know not where to begin....
if you find yourself falling head over heals for a person, if you are normal...your first instinct is to dream and paint every possible lame bollywood story that you have come across in your tiny little mind and then give way to apprehension about whether it will actually pan out well.... but for some screwed up people who have had a better share of bitter experiences, its more than natural to be at the verge of quitting even before they try their hand at normal... well... who am i to decide normal cause that is a very relative term.... but for what its worth, its impossible not to TRY when the most desirable, the closest to the person of your dreams is right in front of you... tantalizing with every move, every word, every slight look... even to the most cold hearted , cynical person.. (me included in this category )... how does a kid resist from devouring its favorite chocolate when it has been served to perfection???? how do you choose to be a loser and flee even before the battle has begun??? how do you yield to the norms put forth by the so called perfect society with all its imperfections??? how do you stop your heart pounding at the thought of that wonderful moment that you shared??? life always renders you helpless, at crossroads.... but it is for you to make the choice... the one that will be to your satisfaction... that choice which will not wake you up in the depths of night as night mares... the choice that u shall uphold with no regrets.... i have heard a million times that its hard to be yourself in this demanding man eating world... but i have tried telling that to myself even more number of times and its still a challenge... that passion within you that gives innumerable ideas to try, some crazy..some wild..some just outrageous... but totally because you are burning...that fire within you is not ready to take no for an answer... sometimes you keep trying even when your mind is commanding to retreat... cause that blood pumping machine in you commands otherwise... and its so hard not to follow your heart... for all those out there, trying beyond limits to devour their favourite chocolate, stop not until you are completely wasted...
don't give up... just be you... cause life is too short to try to be someone else... 

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrghhhhhh!

as i sit and wait for the most important call of recent times... fyi... b4 u ppl assume anything.... dad's call... with the voucher codes for our pg entrance exam.... i wonder for the first time ever, whether i did the right thing by choosing "medicine"?????... what did i do it for?? do i still have the child's perspective of doc being the god who saves lives in kaliyug??? or the eternal slave to the erratic govt and its crazy ideas abt experimenting with poor innocent, stressed out neo adults who r struggling to find a place in this world...... are we juz the bottom of  the food chain or do we even belong to it anymore??????? is there any end to the atrocities???? will we ever grow up to be a part of a nation that can bestow its ppl wid academic, economical n social security????? or is medicine going to be a choice fo the rich???????? damn... hw long should i vent it out b4 i do get my code?????

Thursday, 21 June 2012

numb

As I woke up today morning, I was stilled for a moment by the cold breeze..It took me a moment before I realized that the goosebumps erupting over my whole body had nothing to do with the wind, but pretty much due to latest developments of last night... For once I didn't know if I woke up from a bad dream or whether I finally found myself propelled back to reality from the mirage I had dissolved into... When my insides are screaming to start using my left cerebral hemisphere, it seems to have magically atrophied... When the ship in the bottle shatters, all that is left of it is a wreck... While I am contemplating about the shortest route to ocean of oblivion, the gates are unleashed... And in that cruel moment of reality, I actually understood why none of us are gifted with a time turner... Time spent and the words uttered are lost forever..aren't they??.. if only I could stop the words ringing in my ears... If only I didn't have the capacity to comprehend the implied... If only it were to be in a language unknown to me... If only it was just one of those many nightmares that plague my sleep... I wish I could sink to the bottom of a sea for a few light years... While I am buried in these thoughts, I spot a kite perched on top of lonely branches of a tree... The seemingly chilly wind seems to be adding to the beauty of it.. Making it's feathers fly like frills of a beautiful frock... And I wonder, how would it react if I asked it not to fly?????.. I have made the final jump... And I am numb... numb...

Sunday, 27 May 2012

mmm...

the search ends...a new journey has begun..... lost in the world of pure joy, and prey to the most basic emotion... living it...loving it.... !!!!!!!!!!

Monday, 23 April 2012

:P

well... this is what cramming does
to u... :p.......