glimpse...

when i seem to be actually living in a parallel universe, lost in the ocean of books, i wish for one moment that i could retrace my steps back home..to home..sweet home... the abode of peace and serenity... the tall, much familiar coconut trees... and mom's new kids..(the bonsai n indoor plants :P)... and mom n dad who r probably having too much free time without me arnd..:. :( i kno not a betta plc i could possibly be in ryt nw, coz i am sure...dis is as close to home as it can get in blr.... the road was meant to be a bumpy one.... though i ve heard soo much abt dis phase of any doc's life, its hard to actually be stuck in it.. gone are the times when catching up on slp or a gud movie or a gud novel and some spice could make my day...but like they say, nothing gud comes easy in life... u juz oughta keep moving...strike a balance... hmmm... atleast thats wat comes to my mind... as i close my eyes, i can see flashes of my recent past adding more color than my real world... my room...my rides on my 2 wheeler... apron... corridors... familiar face... aah..the gud life... i shud rather open my eyes...for now..

Quiero...

Quiero vivir como nadie nunca lo hice
Quiero reír hasta que mi corazón siente la luz
Quiero bailar hasta que el mundo es juz girando a mi alrededor
Quiero amar como eso es la esencia de mi existencia
Quiero abrazar como estoy sosteniendo mi mundo
Quiero sentir el agua fría de hielo en mí como su manta de tranquilidad
Quiero respirar la libertad como su fresco aire fresco
aire.. agua.. tierra... fuego...

:)

time for a new beginning..
to quench my hearts yearning
to make dreams come true..
n give books their long awaited due..


with zeal and zest..
to give it my best...
with nothing to fret..
abt the palpitations i felt..


balancing the heart and mind..
leaving the past n insecurities behind..
wid trust, faith n strong will i bind..
myself to the upcoming grind..

tiempo de despedida

estoy dejando mys... En la búsqueda de mis sueños... Esperemos que lo consigo..
cuando regrese, deseo que encontrar mi corazón que dejaron... adios



ps; i am still here.. :P yet to melt..

the decline...

something is not right..
feeling my lungs go tight..
stilled with fury and fright..
kno nt a way outa my plight..


my mind is natent..
with thoughts that betta be latent..
words uttered find indifference..
thoughts unspoken bear no significance..


caught in the middle of a tempest..
wish i could undo the pain and rest..
time to give up my impossible quest..
ll burn my fingers,lest..


memories seem to consume me..
why cant they juz let me be..
raking the hidden embers of heart..
they wont rest untill i fall apart..

**********

as i wake up frm a really gud dream, i m invariably forced to get bk to reality..evn though i ld rather get bk t slp... as i go thru the motions of my quite boring life, i wonder what is it, that is missing... the yr ahead is a dreary path... bt my goals r crystal clear... hurdles innumerable... bt determination has found its master..

and long stry short... as alwys...it all started wid a jolt from my blissful state of ignorance.. while i am still wishing to fade into oblivion, i ld rather not mess with wounds which have gone mad.. like they say.. what does not bother me is razor sharp, frankness... what does find its way of lacerating my soft hall are soft words which come with implications... beautiful words left behind in the world of intoxication.. there is a book tat i dint read... there are things i dint say... there is a dream that ll be a dream.. alas..thats life... may be thats why i need to become a surgeon... lota suturing left.. the part that dared to let go..to let down the defenses. is finally retreating.. fo reasons unfathomable, i cant acknowledge that i could be vulnerable...its that kinda pain...that lets u live...bt takes away a bit of ur soul...ur heart.. i still stand tall..head held high...dreams to be conquered...integrity overpowering emotions..patience my new found virtue..

ouch!!

i think i ve palpitations lately... all the time!!! like i need a reminder that i am alive and big hearted..;p..
anyways... i m outa of my coll for gud... n this time, its soo soo true!!... n i m gonna be outa mys soon...(((..
sucks... n i can barely imagine my life in blr...the traffic and pollution n lack of peaceful, serene surroundings... n SLOGGIN... omg... i shud rather nt think abt it... alas...lifez tough... bt um... i m reminded that 'the tough gets going when the going gets tough'...sigh...
here is a list that i ld rather wish remain the same forever in the coming yr..
mesmerising mys n the peace and calm that comes wid it..
hopefully mom n dad ll still ask me t slp off wenevr m tensed..(like they did until nw..;p..)
frndz remain unchanged!
creativity and wits as rich as evr..
sun still rising in the east and fire..still..my fire..
aaaah... dis is all i ask... lol...

crazy wish...

isnt it enoff to juz ..

sit on the terrace when derz a cool breeze..

wake up early enough to catch the crimson red and cheerful chirping..

laze around on the couch and watch tv..

cuddle up and read a gud novel...

eat chocolate the 'dairymilk' add types...

loong walk....let solitude seep in..

plunge underwater and enjoy the blissful silence..

be lost in the world painted by william wordsworth o any othr romantic..

dwell in the history of the long gone kings..

sleep like time stood still and number of hrs din matter whatsoever..

muse in the memory of gud old skool n coll times..

get caught in the frenzy of fiery winds and listen to the secrets of the green world..

feel ur heart racing...blush..

forget that u ve to rake ur brains abt innumerable que abt future...

 aaah... the list is nvr ending!!!...

calling...

after a looong tiring day in the scorching sun and hunting for non existent crazy depts that nvr crossed my mind in the past yr and finally landing derm completion outa sheer luck, i am soo glad that i am one step closer to finding closure... its time tat we got out fo real... time to explore the unmapped country within us... finally, i think i am at the end of the well worn path and back to square one i guess... contrary to the usual flow of crowd, i m searching fo an avenue to channelise my skills and expertise(atleast tats wat i think..:P) at a grasss root level... to go back to basics... to find pure joy in its true sense.. to contribute my drop to the ever increasing ocean of help needed..  untill recently, i alwys wondered why i couldnt put my finger on one particular subject or dept which i would prefer to term as 'my calling'... i could nvr understand why i was alwys find myself with the wounded.. and why i could nvr walk away... but lately, i know.. i juz know.. that my work in future no matter which subj i choose ll be strongly associated with the real needy... with the wounded... coz that is my calling... n thats where i belong.. thats what is meant to be... i ve nvr really understood why i am at the giving end or why i am alwys listenin when ppl crib or why my heart aches to see kids who do not get to dream...or why i cant let go... why i cant stop caring... but... thats me...n derz no changing that... n nothing more satisfying..nothing more challenging than making a plc in the hearts of ppl who ve lost hope in the good of this world... all of us have a life...but very few actually live it to the max... life is now... open ur hearts...coz there r many who ld luv to be a part of it...
ps: i ll still miss the abode of pigeons fo all the right reasons..

whats worse..

when emptiness encroaches u and joblessness seems to be ur brand new surrounding...and u r lost in an endless dark tunnel of uncertainty..the ordeal of official  paperwork or the hollow age old system sucking u into its deadly depths... an era that u don belong to anymore.. the new chapters that r yet yet to be written... and i find myself stuck in the midst of a boundless desert, not evn remotely close to a mirage of an oaisis... leaving behind the comforts of the gud old grey and white was tough... but walkin outa the heritage buildings right into the middle of nowhere is tougher.. and nothing worse than denying a pic for a photo freak... lyf sucks!!